I try not to be negative or put too much of my not-so-happy feelings on my blog, but today I just need to vent. This is my "public" diary and one day I will print this out for our child to see how they came to be part of our family. I want them to know it wasn't always ups, there were downs too because life can be like that.
Anyway, I am just getting frustrated with the "wait." At first it was exciting and believe me I still get butterflies when I think about it, but there is a part of me that is ready to burst! Yesterday some friends of ours who are adopting got their little baby boy. They are the ones whose sister talked to someone at Wal-Mart... anyway, I am so happy for them as they have been trying to have a family longer than Adam and I, but they just thought about adoption and decided on it a short time ago. I DO NOT resent them nor do I want it to sound that way, but I just feel like screaming out "WHEN IS IT OUR TURN????!!!!"
Then today at school a teacher told she is pregnant. Now, I want to say I have come a long way as I didn't want to throw anything, hit anyone, or just lay in the floor and cry when she told me. I actually could look her in the face and congratulate her without any sadness! Go me!!! But again, I want that for myself too.
Adam is getting discouraged and doesn't talk about our future baby very often and that is discouraging to me. I just feel sometimes I don't know what to do or say, but I pray daily for God to send us a child. I know He will, but my faith can get weak from time to time. I want to be a mother more than anything and it just hurts my heart some days more than others. I love buying and receiving the baby things and I get GREAT pleasure from it, but it doesn't completely fill the void I have in my heart where I know the love for a child is going to go.
I don't want to be selfish and I know there are greater problems in the world and more things you all need to pray for, but if we cross your mind, please pray for us. I know God has a plan for us but I also believe in the power of prayer. There isn't anyone I'd want praying for my family more than my good Christian friends.
So, thanks for listening (reading) my venting session. Love you all!
2 years ago
Sorry to hear you are feeling rotten! You are certainly entitled to have these moments.....AND here's to hoping that sooner than later, these feelings will only be faint memories!!!
ReplyDeleteBless your heart!! You may not know me and I really only know you through mutual friends and this blog, but your situation has truly touched my heart in a way that causes me to whisper prayers numerous times a day. Last week I came across a verse in the Bible that made me think of you...I hope it provides some comfort: "And blessed is she that believed; for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord." (Luke 1:45). I believe in the true power of prayer and know that God listens and talks back in a way that no one else can...
ReplyDeleteMelissa... I don't know you, but I feel like you are a true friend! I appreciate your kind words and just know they have helped me tremendously this morning. I love that Bible verse and I feel it's given me strength for another day. Thank you and I appreciate your caring enough about Adam and I to read our blog and whisper prayers for us!
ReplyDeleteLesley, you know I love you and always appreciate your kindness! You always comment and say such sweet things on my blog. It means so much for people to comment and show they care!
Emily, just know that you, Adam, and baby Cassady are in our prayers every night. I love you!
ReplyDeleteThis is the only way I have to send you a message, but as soon as I saw this, I wanted to share. I am in the process of creating my own blog and while I was searching for designs, I come across one with an elephant theme. Obviously, you don't have to use it for this blog, but in case you wanted to, you should be able to find it using the following link:
ReplyDeletehttp://leelou-freelayouts.blogspot.com/search/label/Trendy
It is closer to the bottom of the page and is called "Let's Get Funky"...weird name, I know, but still, it made me think of you!
Melissa, I LOVE the template, but I can't seem to get it on my blog. I am used to the cutest blog on the block one where it gives you a code and you enter that on the blog page. I can't get this one to do it. If you can, please let me know how! I'd love to use it for my blog as I've been looking for an elephant background forever!!!
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteAgain, you don't know me either, but I am one of the prayer warriors on your behalf. I will be diligently praying for you and Baby Cassady until he/she finds his/her way into your arms.
Please feel free to VENT!! Your emotions are definitely understandable in a time like this. I know that I haven't walked your road entirely, but I know what it is like to long for a child. I have suffered 2 miscarriages, and both were devastating to me. I felt the same feelings of jealously and anger. Many times I would just cry and cry hoping that it would just make things better. It's so bittersweet - you are happy for your friends/family who are pregnant, but yet you are sad too. It's the most confusing/conflicting feeling I have ever felt. My last miscarriage was 2 days before my brother and sister-in-law found out they were pregnant. I wanted to share the pregnancy journey with her, but wasn't able to. I was happy and hurt at the same time. No one knows unless you've been there. Like I said, we have traveled different paths, but I understand where you are coming from.
I will pray that Baby Cassady is home SOON!!!
Love,
Brittany
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ReplyDeleteOK Melissa, it's the xml document that won't download to my computer. It's downloading but not where I can open it. I will just continue to look for another elephant one. Thanks so much!!!!
ReplyDeleteBrittany,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I don't fully understand your pain, but I do know we have a common bond. I appreciate your prayers and I will remember you. I just have those days from time to time where I don't think my faith is going to keep me going. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope to one day meet you and Melissa as you both have been so sweet to comment on my blog and our situation!
I'm Lesley's sister-in-law. I wanted to share a blog of a sweet family that I know and their journey with adoption. It will happen! Following your story & wishing you & Adam the best!
ReplyDeletehttp://afamilytolove.blogspot.com/
Aimee,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that blog with me! It makes me look forward to our "gotcha day!" The odd thing is I think I had class at WKU with the mom for elementary education! How small is the world? Thanks for your support!