Monday, May 24, 2010

Needing to Vent

I try not to be negative or put too much of my not-so-happy feelings on my blog, but today I just need to vent. This is my "public" diary and one day I will print this out for our child to see how they came to be part of our family. I want them to know it wasn't always ups, there were downs too because life can be like that.

Anyway, I am just getting frustrated with the "wait." At first it was exciting and believe me I still get butterflies when I think about it, but there is a part of me that is ready to burst! Yesterday some friends of ours who are adopting got their little baby boy. They are the ones whose sister talked to someone at Wal-Mart... anyway, I am so happy for them as they have been trying to have a family longer than Adam and I, but they just thought about adoption and decided on it a short time ago. I DO NOT resent them nor do I want it to sound that way, but I just feel like screaming out "WHEN IS IT OUR TURN????!!!!"

Then today at school a teacher told she is pregnant. Now, I want to say I have come a long way as I didn't want to throw anything, hit anyone, or just lay in the floor and cry when she told me. I actually could look her in the face and congratulate her without any sadness! Go me!!! But again, I want that for myself too.

Adam is getting discouraged and doesn't talk about our future baby very often and that is discouraging to me. I just feel sometimes I don't know what to do or say, but I pray daily for God to send us a child. I know He will, but my faith can get weak from time to time. I want to be a mother more than anything and it just hurts my heart some days more than others. I love buying and receiving the baby things and I get GREAT pleasure from it, but it doesn't completely fill the void I have in my heart where I know the love for a child is going to go.

I don't want to be selfish and I know there are greater problems in the world and more things you all need to pray for, but if we cross your mind, please pray for us. I know God has a plan for us but I also believe in the power of prayer. There isn't anyone I'd want praying for my family more than my good Christian friends.

So, thanks for listening (reading) my venting session. Love you all!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

So much sweetness, I might get a cavity!

My sweet friends keep doing the most thoughtful things for me! It started last week when Lesley put the link to my blog on hers with the cutest baby dressed as an elephant to get the word out to others about our adoption and now so many others have it on there and I've received some sweet comments from people I don't even know! Then on Sunday, Carol and Jessica Madison gave baby Cassady presents! Carol's is definitely for Baby Ava but she is looking for Baby Carter something too! (Which she doesn't have to do!)

Then last week two of my students invited me to a Teacher Appreciation Dinner at their church. The students were supposed to invite a teacher who inspires them to come. That right there was worth it to me, but when we got there I was treated like a Hollywood Star and had the best time. I was presented with a Golden Apple Award and a great dinner. We took silly pictures and enjoyed each other's company. Then the students had filled out a questionnaire on their teacher, what size shoe, favorite food, etc. and they gave them to us. You have to see what my sweet little girl in my room wrote.

This is Baby Ava's gift from Carol! How cute is that?!?! She said Target has a lot of boy and girl elephant stuff... come on Baby Cassady, we need to know who you are so we can buy the right gender things! :)

This is the cutest card Jessica gave me. It was for a baby shower but had an elephant on it and she said she had to get it for me. Inside it has a CD with an elephant on it with baby lullaby's! I can't wait to hear those playing in the nursery (because if it were me singing to the baby, they would be crying more!) :)

This is a pic of the part of the questionnaire my student filled out. It says does your teacher have children and she put "no, but I hope will soon" How sweet is that? My students asked me at the beginning of the year if I had children and I decided to be open with them (not about the why) :) but I told them we were going through adoption. They were so sweet and ask about it all of the time. Then the day I got the email from Anne saying we were officially "waiting" I was at school and I told the kids and about 5 of my girls screamed and jumped up and down with tears in their eyes! I have been blessed with a very caring group of girls this year!

Also, I do NOT wear a 5 1/2 shoe size as she thinks and my favorite food isn't soup. Actually, I don't really like soup! I love that she thinks my favorite things are to dance and make people happy, which is mostly true, especially the dancing part!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

My First Mother's Day Gift!

Yes, this is my 3rd post in a row, but I had a lot I wanted to share! Yesterday I got a text from Staffanne saying she'd left something on my front porch for me. Shut up! I LOVE surprises!!!

When I got home I opened up a gift (the awesomely adorable towel in the pic) and the sweetest card! Staffanne wanted to give me something to increase my faith and know she's still praying that next year I'll get to celebrate my first Mother's Day! So this was a Mother's Day gift for a "mom-to-be." How sweet is that?!?! To be honest, Mother's Day does make me a little sad but I am thankful for my wonderful mother who is my mom and my friend. I couldn't ask for a better mom, so I try to focus on that and not my lack of being a mom. I am also thankful for all my my friends who are mothers, as you inspire me daily and I learn so much from you.

Anyway, I had to document my first Mom's Day gift from my sweet sister-in-law who happens to be my sweet friend too!

Sweet Family and Friends!

I know people think I shouldn't be buying things for Baby Cassady and think I am silly, but what they don't understand is when you have wanted and prayed for something for so long and it is finally within reach and you can feel it getting closer, you do whatever you can to hold onto the happiness it brings. Buying things gives me great pleasure and fills a void, but the pictures you are going to see aren't things I have bought, but they are from family and friends! I think my Baby Cassady fever is contagious!

This is an adorable elephant rattle, teether toy my sweet friend Katie Decker bought for Baby Cassady. :) How precious is that! I can see Baby Cassady playing with it already!

So I have a lot of blue things or turquoise, so my mom felt that Baby Cassady could be a girl and she bought this cute outfit! The elephant on the top is adorable and it has cute little pockets on the bottom! I told Dad if we got a boy we'd put this on him once since they got it for our baby and dad very quickly corrected me and said NO WAY!! :)

So grandmother's must think alike because this adorable ensemble is from Marcia! She and mom gave me the outfits the same weekend! How crazy is that! The bib says Mommy Loves Me! Which I already do Baby Cassady, where ever you are! :)

This is a sweet yellow dress with pink elephants at the top that Jessica Parsley gave me from the big Kiddo's sale she and a bunch of ladies had. So, now I have a good mixture of clothing for any gender baby and some that would go for either with an added accessory for a girl :) and no dad, no pink for a boy!

Really? Am I Having This Conversation with the Census Lady?

I hope my title intrigued you all! So, yesterday I pull in the driveway and there is a SUV there that I am not familiar with. I thought "Oh great, a politician campaigning!" I always hate when they come by because I want to tell them all how I want to vote for them (even if I am not so sure) I just feel for them... anyway I get out and this man and woman get out. They are with the Census people coming to ask us questions since we didn't get something in the mail. So I invite them in. They are in love with our house and have offered to marry Adam to get to live here, yes even the man said he'd bring his wife too! (they have no idea what they would be dealing with) :)
So, they ask me how many people live in the house and when I said 2 and the lady said we needed to get busy filling this house with children. I told her we are on an adoption waiting list. Her eyes filled with tears and she said her daughter gave a child up for adoption last June and she thought it was wonderful we are wanting to adopt. She then proceeds with the questionnaire, but then when I am walking her out she said "are you approved by the state" and I told her yes, that we have peed in cups, had blood drawn, background checks done, pretty much given everything but a limb to be on the list. She said she has a lot of connections with different people and travels around a lot, so she wanted our name and phone number in case she hears of anything. She named all of these connections she had which was pretty cool.
She then tells me she'll be praying for Adam and I and that she feels God has a precious little one for us. She also has a son who lives in California and said she'd tell he and his wife about us. She then offered to drive to California to get us a baby if she needed to!
I mean really, who has this type of conversation with the Census lady? How random, yet how wonderful! I think word of mouth might be the trick for us. We have a couple we know that's getting ready to adopt and they found out about their baby through someone her sister ran into at Wal-Mart of all places!! So, yes mention us to anyone you see! The other day I saw a girl about 16 who was very pregnant and I told Allie I was going to go up to her and ask her if she has considered adoption. No, I wouldn't do that, but believe me, it is tempting!
I just wanted to share that crazy story that absolutely made my day!!