A long Journey

So I promise not to make this a boring blog, but I thought I would tell a little about the journey we are going through. I feel like people try to avoid talking to me because they are going to upset me by saying something about adoption, babies, etc. I feel though that when people are not saying anything at all is sometimes harder for me to accept. The song "When You Say Nothing At All" doesn't apply to our situation. So, here it all is out in the open and hopefully I will not be hard to approach about this anymore.

We found out last year on Oct. 14 that we were unable to have children. This was extremely hard news to hear and not everyone was very sensitive to it or us, which was hard too. Adam was very hurt by this news as our "issue" stemmed from him. He said a lot of things that would bring a strong man to tears. We struggled through these emotions together, but I wanted to adopt from the get-go, but Adam wouldn't hear of it. This put a huge strain on our relationship. We went for a long time in an emotional funk... words cannot tell you how this felt.

Finally, after several months, we were sitting watching CSI New York of all things and a lady on the show had a baby. This already brought tears to my eyes, as it is hard to see babies period sometimes, but then Adam looked at me and said "it's time... I want to adopt and have a family." This made my heart feel whole again.

We then began searching for adoption agencies. We went to an orientation meeting at one in Mt. Washington. When we went, Adam opened up to the case worker more than he had anyone and at that moment I knew this was the one! We've had to go to CPR training, First Aid training, get physicals, background checks, fingerprints, and even more things I don't want to bore you with. We also have to have 3 home visits in which we have to have childproof things, pictures of cribs, etc., which is heartbreaking to even look at when we do not have any children. Did I mention we have to pay for all of this too? Home visits, all the trainings, plus paying for the final adoption fee... which is EXPENSIVE!!! I know it will be worth it all...

Anyway, we are on our way to having the family we have always dreamed of, but it isn't as easy. Daily, I pray for strength, patience, and understanding of why we are having to go through this, when other people seem to have children so easily.

Please don't get me wrong, God has blessed me more in my life than I have ever deserved. I am so thankful for my salvation, my church, my family, my friends. Yet, there is a missing part and I struggle with this daily.

Thank you for listening and I promise I will not blog something this long again, but I just thought this might help anyone who is wondering what is going on with us, and maybe make us a little more approachable and a little less "fragile." I appreciate all the support and prayers, as we need them daily.